Night after night I spend laying in my bed and wonder "How hard is it going to be for me to fall asleep?" Then my mind starts racing. I go over all that happened that day. Like, what I did at work, (if I even went to work) what am I going to do tomorrow, my JV and Varsity volleyball teams, my grandma, my parents, my little sister in college, whether or not Tyler is home safely, my older sister who is supposed to be having a baby any day now, my other grandma who lost the love of her life and now is alone, and most of all what the heck am I going to do with my life?????? Anything that you can possibly think of I think about it at night.
I don't know if it's the dark room and the silence. Or if its just things I push under the rug and just don't have time to think about during the day. But tonight it was heavy. Heavier than it has been in the past.
It's Saturday night and I worked tonight at the restaurant. A lot of crazy people. Drunk people. Sober people. Children. Grandparents. Moms. Dads. Sisters. Brothers. As I go to peoples tables I wonder just what their life is like outside of a care free Saturday night. But one thing I often forget to realize is that they are people just like me, who worry just as much as I do. Who have loved ones that they worry about. Who have no clue what they are going to do with their life. Some of these people are worrying about how they are going to make it through to the next month, and I'm worried about things I can totally control.
Now I'm not saying that I can't worry or stress out about things, but what I am saying is that I always try to deal with things on my own at first. But finally, it takes it's toll on me and I break. (Yes, I do have a breaking point)
This final breaking point is God speaking so loudly above all the noise and confusion in my life saying "Leave it here, on me."
Matthew 28:11
28"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Sometimes I wait until I am so run down and exhausted from the battles I try fighting on my own, to finally look at the one person who will go through these things with me.
God tells me to lay my burdens down. He will take them and completely carry them. So tonight thats what I am doing.
God I am giving you all my burdens, I am laying them down at your feet and surrendering, because I can't do this stuff without you. I know I'm stubborn and try and try and try, but I fail every time. I need you to help me through these things. God, you told Abraham to pick his stuff up and go. Abraham had no idea where he was headed or why. But he did it. he easily could have ignored it and tried doing things his own way, like so many times I do. But God give me faith like Abraham, to trust you when I feel like I can do it on my own.
Tomorrow morning is Sunday. I long for Sundays when I get up and get ready to fall before God and worship him all morning. My heart needs the rejuvenation it gets from a Sunday morning worship. I need it like I need air to breathe. WIthout Sundays, I'm lost.
Psalm 103:1-4
Bless the LORD, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
2 Bless the LORD, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
3 Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
4 Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
This verse here takes all my worries away. Everything I stress out about is covered completely in these 4 verses. God takes care of everything.
I find it so incredibly easy to praise God when all is well in my life, and I find so incredibly easy to forget to praise God when there absolute destruction in my life.
So God I ask you:
Bring me joy , bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings you glory.
And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise you
Jesus bring the rain.
MercyMe "Bring the Rain"
Sometimes God has to yell above all the noise going on in my life. And sometimes it takes a night like to night in the darkness and silence of a room for me to finally listen to him saying "I'm here all you have to do is talk to me" and its just that easy.
Back to Matthew 28:11
"...and you will find rest in your souls.."
I want to find rest in Him, whether I can fall asleep at night or whether I toss and turn till 3AM.
But I have to ask God for the wisdom to come to him first from now on.
I'm so ready for worship in the morning.
Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."
and I know He is to.
Rest easy folks, God wants to carry our burdens.Even the biggest ones.
Zephaniah 3:17.
