amazing grace.

I have tried and tried to blog about Elgie. I sit down and I start to type and all that comes out are tears. Everything is still so fresh. The night that Elgie died my family was all in her room. Me, Lorean, and Sydnee were sitting on her bed. David was across the room praying. Tyler was in West Virginia praying. Mom and dad were beside the bed. Elgie had gotten significantly worse over the 4 hours since Lorean, David, Micah, and Asher had arrived. She lit up (as much as she could) when they walked in the room and was totally aware of who there were. Later that night, David put the kids to bed and we all just surrounded her. We softly played Alan Jackson's Precious Memories CD in the background. (The CD is special because it played the night that a couple of Elgie's family members passed away). As we sat there and held Elgie's hands we assured her that we were all in the room and that it was going to be okay. Her breathing got deep and heavy. It was hard to watch, to say the least. Dad laid his hands on Elgie and prayed, asking the Lord to make this an easy transition for Elgie. To take her and welcome her into His Kingdom. To run to Him and see Papa Doug and Aunt Clara. After he prayed it didn't take too much longer. Her breathing slowed down and and she relaxed. The whole time we just reminded her that we were all around, that everything was okay, and that she would soon see her Savior and her husband (who died 17 years ago). Her breathing was so slow that sometimes we thought it was her last, and when it wasn't it made it that much harder to watch. She gasped for breathes. Dad let us know that this could take a while for the body to fully shut down and that most likely our sweet Elgie was already gone. And you could tell, her eyes had already glazed over some and she wasn't Elgie anymore. Part of me wanted her to keep breathing because I was so scared to let her go. But as me and my sisters held her as she took those last couple breathes God spoke me to. He told me it was okay now. That she was home. She was happy and the last thing she was saying was "no". The presence of God was so thick in that room. As Alan Jackson sang "I want to stroll over heaven with you" we cried (and I just wanted to shake Elgie and wake her up and tell her to come back to me; I am not done taking care of you). But the Lord held me and wrapped his wonderful daddy arms around me, my sisters and parents, and just held us.

It has been a full month now since she died. I put on facebook this morning that is still doesn't even feel real. Almost every time I close my eyes I see her lying in that bed, taking those last breathes and her hands in mine. I have to shake my head because if not I will fall apart. That was the first time I have ever watched the life literally drain out of someone before. I'm sure death is different for every person. For me, this was hard. Correction, this is hard. Elgie was so much more than a grandma. Losing her is the hardest thing I have had to go through. But when I sit and think about it, all I can think of is the love of Christ. I have never fully, and wont ever fully grasp the love the Lord has for me. But knowing that Elgie took her last breathe here and then was in the presence of God made me so aware of His love and His grace. I could feel His arms wrap around me. It's like nothing I have ever felt before. Like I said, its been a month now, and it honestly hasn't gotten any easier. But I have so comforted, first, at the fact that Elgie is in Heaven with Jesus, but also because I know that over the last month I haven't had to go through this alone. I have wonderful friends a beautiful family and an amazing boyfriend. But I have a gracious Lord. I have a Jesus that never left my side. There is nothing better than having a God that doesn't go anywhere. Especially when you're hurting. Death is never easy, but like our pastor said at the funeral, this is how it's supposed to happen. This is how God intended life to be like. Elgie lived a long, wonderful, God fearing life and died in the arms are her family and was met by a beautiful God- who got to tell her "well done good and faithful servant I am proud of you." I am peaceful in knowing that I will too one day be in the presence of the Lord that never let me go through this life alone.

The presence of the Lord has never been so apparent to me before that night. I literally could feel Jesus sitting in the room with us, taking Elgie home. I know this is not going to be an easy road, but knowing that God isn't going to let me do this alone helps.

Elgie I miss you. I miss taking care of you. I miss whispering with you, talking to you about my hair or painting our nails, and making you eat your medicine that was cut up into applesauce that you absolutely hated! I miss not knowing what in the world you wanted sometimes- and you trying to explain with everything you had- and sticking your tongue out at us when when we no idea what you meant. I miss telling you I love you in our special ways. I miss you dancing in the car or dancing in church and getting mad at us for not clapping along with the song. I swear I still hear you cough and sneeze and tap on your tray. And I really do think that you're just letting me know to stop that crying and to focus on something else because you're having the time of your life. But I do miss you. But I also have joy in knowing that you're not hurting anymore and that you're running around with papa and praising Jesus all day long. I love you, and I hope you know that taking care of you was the best thing I have ever done. I would do it one million times again if I could. here was no better example of living for Jesus, like you. I wish you could have lived to make it to my wedding, and to see my future kids. I cannot wait to have them and tell them the countless stories I have, but I know you'll be proud, watching from Heaven.

Thank you for being there for me.
Thank you for teaching me the love of Christ.

A Little Bit of Thanksgiving

I think I can speak for a lot of my family when I saw that we are super thankful for grandchildren (nieces and nephews in my case) and grandmas (great grandmas to Micah and Asher) this thanksgiving. The last couple blogs I have posted were updated everyone about Elgie. I havent posted in a while because I wasn't so sure what to post about. Elgie has gotten weaker and taken a small down turn. Some days are wonderful and her energy is up... but we have a lot more sleepy days than we used too. BUT all that being said, made this thanksgiving that much more special.

If there is one thing that Elgie loves most, it is Micah and Asher. The whole week before they came to Durham I would remind Elgie that they would be here in 5 days, 4 days, 2 days.. you get the point. That ALWAYS cheered her up! Finally, Lorean, David, Micah and Asher showed up at our door and Elgie was really happy! She has been having one of her sleepy days but seeing her family seemed to help that. Micah would come in her room and love on her. Elgie would hold Asher and would not let anyone else get near him. Even if he was crying loudly for his momma, she would just rock him and sing (rather loudly) "NO NOOOOO", trying to calm him down. It really was so sweet. But if Lorean took Asher from Elgie to feed him or quiet him down, Elgie would pout until you gave him back. I mean who can blame her? Asher is REALLY cute!

My litter sister Sydnee has a horse that she got one Christmas from my grandma (on my moms side). Her name is Penny, and the first time Micah saw Penny she didn't like her too much! (but she was really little). On Black Friday we took Micah to the farm where Penny is and Micah LOVED it! We got her feed Penny carrots and Micah even sat up on Penny.

 

Ya know, when Micah was born I always thought "seriously.. not kid can be any cuter than Micah..." now that Asher is here, it is so hard to tell which one is cuter!! Asher is so full of joy all the time! His little laugh is seriously the sweetest noise EVER! He giggles and he sounds like the babies on YouTube who laugh at the silliest things, we just couldn't get him to laugh for very long last weekend! But here's a sweet little clip of it!

OHHH doesn't it just make your heart melt... anywaysss on to the next!

Elgie loves to whisper... she will cover to face to one side and whisper to anyone who will listen... mom got a sweet little video of Micah and Elgie whispering back and forth... the cutest part is near the end of the video so make sure you watch the whole thing!

 Thanksgiving was very special to me this year because, not to be a Debby Downer, but in reality could be Elgie's last thanksgiving with us. As hard as that is to even process. I am just so thankful for her love and sweet smile and her "no-no's" I am also so thankful that Micah and Asher love her like they do. We would wonder where Micah was and we would look in Elgie's room and Micah might be talking to Elgie, or sitting on the ground doing her puzzle while Elgie just slept. It was so precious. We just have so much to be thankful for and when Micah and Asher grow up and learn more about Elgie, I hope they know just how much Elgie adores them!!

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever." Psalm 107:1

Football and Friends

We have Carolina football season tickets, and they are pretty sweet seats. Dad and I usually go, but sometimes dad has to work on Saturdays so he can't always go. When Tyler was living in Durham I would take him, but he moved away. So now if I wanna go I try to round up a friend to go with me!

When Carolina played Idaho two weekends ago I invited my friend Lauren. She's a Carolina fan so I thought it would be fun for us to do this together! We were sooooo excited to go then on Saturday I wake up and its raining... okay raining is an understatement... it was POURING! But we are dedicated. We went anyways! I stopped at Dick's sporting goods and got me an actual rain coat and we headed that way. We stopped at the world's best Mexican Grill-- Armadillo Grill-- in Carborro! It is delicious!! Oh, and Lauren had never been! Well we put on our rain coats and headed to Kenan Stadium.

So I may look like I am staying dry, but the part of the picture that you cannot see is the fact that I am wearing shorts and flip flops! I don't own a pair of long jeans, and no rain boots! Lauren on the other hand was well prepared.. sorta... she had on long jeans and these really awesome sperry rain boots. BUTTTTT my jacket repelled the rain while hers started off repelling but then I guess got tired of it and started to soak it in! I must say though, we were troopers, almost everyone left, but we stayed!! I was proud. But I really do need to invest in a pair of rain boots! (preferably Hunters in the grey size 7 ---tyler in case you're reading)

OOOHH and I saw this pretty lady! Hannah is one of my club players and plays setter defense like none other! I was so excited to see her!

Today Carolina played and it definitely was not raining. It was actually a gorgeous day for football. So I dragged Elizabeth along with me. She's not a UNC fan but she's not a Va Tech fan either... She actually just cheered for each team. It was funny! But we had a blast (and stayed dry!!)

We grabbed lunch at Chick-Fil-A where there were a ton of UNC fans! 

Today was the white out game against Va Tech. Everyone was wearing their white UNC shirts and the football helmets were white along with the field! It was pretty cool! 

We got done and searched for cups... These cups are 6$ a pop and people leave them! Silly! So I got 16 big cups and 8 little cups! Now mom has a lot of cups for her small group to use! 

Carolina, football, and friends are some of my favorite things and I am so happy the Lord blessed me with such special people in my life! Bonding over football is definitely something I suggest doing!

 Here's one of me and dad at the ECU game about 3 weeks ago!

Just the Two of Us

Elgie and I get to spend a lot of quality time together during the day. I don't go to class during the day (yet) so we usually get to spend the majority of our days together. Our daily routine is wake up, get a bath, have eggs and toast and coffee, probably take a morning nap because sometimes we wake up too early, I study some while she is still napping, make some lunch-usually a burger king cheeseburger with fries AND onion rings- (that's Elgie's favorite!!) and Elgie usually watches Pride and Prejudice. I bet she has seen that movie 1,000 times and if she could say anything other than "no" I bet she could repeat ever word!

Its usually really cold in the mornings so i wrap Elgie up in a blanket to warm her up after her bath! She always looks super cozy!! I wanna jump under the blanket with her! 

Lately though, Elgie has not had much of an appetite. I understand she might not feel good, but it does worry me when she doesn't want a cheeseburger! Mom had gone to the store and gotten some AMAZING strawberries and I cut some up for Elgie. She was so excited!! When I was little Elgie would make me strawberries and put powdered sugar on top of them! They were so good, so I decided I would make her some!

I was so happy that she ate something and was really excited about them! The next morning I made her eggs and toast with jelly and cut up more strawberries and she was really happy, her mouth dropped open and she clapped her hands! I LOVE when she gets excited like that! 

Elgie is super girlie and puts lipstick on every morning and I try to do her nails when I remember them.... so this week I got this really pretty purpley red nail polish and painted her nails... she liked them so much, I painted her toes! I don't think I have ever seen her toenails painted!! I should have gotten a pic of them! I will tomorrow and post it next time!! 

Usually before bed I try to lay in bed with her and snuggle and just talk to her. It has gotten easier to talk in "no" over the last couple years so we do say a lot of "no no...no no!" back and forth. But Elgie can understand what I am saying to her so I do say more than no. We talk about what we did that day, what we're going to do tomorrow, and if we're going to sleep good that night. A couple months ago Elgie and I went to Southpoint Mall and got a couple of matching necklaces and they are our best friend necklaces. I usually only take mine off when I shower, and Elgie never has taken hers off. We always talk about our best friend necklaces, because afterall, she is my best friend. Elgie will grab hers and smile and then she will point to mine, and I know that even though she can't say "I love you and you're my best friend" she is totally thinking it (because I am too). 

Elgie's necklaces is turned around!! So sad!! I will definitely get a picture of them for next time!

Sometimes some sugar covered strawberries, girlie days with lipstick and painted nails, and some snuggles with best friend necklaces are all you need to make your day a little bit better. These times are so sweet and I cherish every moment I have with my sweet Elgie. If you pray, pray that her appetite gets better this next week!!

Woah, it's been a while

So its been since February that I last blogged. I figured when I started this blog that I would do this... go forever without writing anything. Most of the people I know that have blogs have kids or something specific that they blog about. I don't really have anything, or so I thought. I have lots of things going on in life that sometimes I just need to spill my guts and one thing I thought would be so neat to blog about would be Elgie. So here goes.

Elgie is my grandma on my dad's side. I used to live beside her (and my grandma Cathy) and I would spend the night every Friday night when I was little. When we moved to Durham I didn't do it so much anymore. School, sports, friends, lots of things got in the way. As a lot of you who know me well know, the summer before my senior year, Elgie had a stroke. July 4th we took Sydnee and some friends to Wet and Wild Emerald Point for her birthday and called Elgie that night on our way home. She had had a couple friends over for hamburgers and hotdogs and was okay. The next morning I headed over like I normally did, and found Elgie in the kitchen floor. --Okay, now let me backtrack a second. At the beginning of the summer Elgie had been diagnosed with colorectal cancer. I, of course, was worried and scared but my parents and Elgie reassured me that it was going to be okay. Treatment plans were chemo and radiation; Elgie was happy because she wasn't going to lose her hair that she had done every Friday at noon. Chemo was through a pill, but we had to go to the hospital to get the radiation done. So every morning I went and picked her up and we went to the hospital to have her radiation treatments.-- Now that were up to speed; I went to her house on July 5th and found her in the kitchen floor. I didn't realize what exactly had happened so I jumped up and called my dad. He was actually on his way to her house and was going to take her to her treatments and let me go home. I quickly told him that something was wrong, and he called 911. (My dads a paramedic and he came quickly and knew exactly what to do) Basically, Elgie had had a stroke and we weren't sure how severe it was. My mom sent out a prayer email to get everyone on board and the Lord came through. The next morning, Elgie got up and walked to the door and back (with assistance of course). I was so happy!! Then we realized that this wasn't going to be that simple. Elgie had lost her ability to speak. She couldn't form the right words anymore. At first, all she could say were the words "some" and "come". She would look at us and say "some come, some come, some come." Goodness was it frustrating!

So many "everyday" tasks were foreign to Elgie now. We taught her to use a fork and use hand signals when she wanted to get something across. I even tried to teach her some baby sign language but the part of the brain the stroke effected inhibited her ability to learn sign language or connect the information. Once she was strong enough to leave the hospital, she came to live with us. I was really excited to have her in our house! We fixed up our office down stairs that had a full bath attached to it! It was like a small little house for Elgie! But it definitely was not easy. Elgie could think like we do, but just couldn't say what she wanted. Trying to figure out things was so difficult. I'm not sure when her words changed from "some, come" to "no" was, but now all she says is "no". It's actually just become a new language in our house. "no no, no no no no, no no!" and that can mean a variety of things! From I want something to eat, to I want go to the mall! Elgie is fully dependent on us. She cannot live alone. She can feed herself but we make it for her and make it so that she doesn't choke on anything. She gets really tired after walking so when we go places she sits in a wheelchair! 

My dad was at work one day, and saw a doctor that helped with Elgie that night in July, and asked how she was. Dad explained that she had come such a long way with physical and occupational therapy and the prayers and the help and support of so many people. The doctor was amazed and told dad he definitely did not expect to hear that.

It's been five years since that horrifying morning in July. We've had a lot of scary times with her getting sick and trips to the ER from UTI's to choking on hotdogs. But the Lord has kept her here with us for a reason. I realized that this is something worth sharing. Our ups and downs, our experiences and our trials. Because I do not know where I would be without this woman. I don't know where I would be without the love and support from my parents that have done so much to take care of her. I left for college and that was the hardest thing to do, was to leave her. After two years I came home and decided I wanted to try to get into nursing school. So for the past two years I have been taking care of Elgie. We have gotten EXTREMELY close in these last two years. People laugh when I say that the two of us can have full conversations in "no". I just started back to school and in January 2013,  I am going to be getting really busy. I thought blogging about Elgie and the things we do would be a wonderful way to remember the fun times we have together! And one day my kids can look back and read the about how much fun Elgie was! And this way anyone can follow her status and keep up with us this way!

More will be coming soon! I'll post some pictures at the end of this blog and I hope everyone enjoys stories of Elgie!

This is Elgie and I a couple weeks ago before bed!

She's a queen!

Elgie and her first great grandbaby Micah.

 Elgies second great grandbaby Asher.

One thing that Elgie did not lose was her sense of humor. Her facial expressions are the BEST!

She is also, the biggest UNC fan you'll ever know. (this was when Caroline beat duke, 2012)

Post any questions or comments!

A Wonderful Wednesday Surprise

It was Wednesday and I was still exhausted from my weekend to DC. It is always such a sweet treat when Lorean and Micah (my sister and niece) FaceTime me randomly during the week, but this Wednesday was the best! Lorean and Micah were in town! I don't get to see them that much because we are in Durham and they are in Charlotte, so we rely on FaceTime a lot; but anytime I can see them in person I try to take advantage of it! Dad, Elgie, and I met Lorean and Bean at Rudinos in Durham for lunch! My sweet little niece walked in with the cutest outfit on!

Micah loves to read anything so she grabbed the menu and started to read and then I guess got really hungry and started to eat it, so Lorean told her not to eat the menu that it was probably really dirty.

She listened so well! It was adorable! And went right back to just reading!

Then it was time to eat!

OHH her eyes and her smile!! They melt me!

Saying good bye is always the worst! I miss them so much and they mean so much to me!! I love how Micah is smiling but her eyes are shut! Oyy she is so amazing!

This entry isn't that long, but this lunch was so special and such a sweet surprise that I couldn't resist!! I can't wait until I get to see them again! I think its about time for a charlotte trip soon! What do you think??
Ohh then last night I was babysitting and I got this adorable video! I know its all over my Facebook and twitter, but I can't help it! She is seriously the cutest thing EVERRRRRRRR!! I've watched this at least 20 times today!

eeeep! okay! well I am just so thrilled that I got a sweet couple hours with the sweetest thing on this earth! I am so blessed to be the aunt of such an amazing little girl!! Can't wait until I see her again! And you Lorean and David!!

DC and Volleyball

This past weekend I went to Washington DC with my 17's volleyball team! We played in a tournament called the Capitol Hill Classic! One of my absolute favorite tournaments! First I got to rent a car, so I was super excited about that because I don't have a car so having a car to drive the whole time while I was gone was so much fun! I hated giving it back! Anyways on to volleyball! My girls are pretty darn good! I coach with a guy that knows so much about volleyball and the girls have learned so much from him!
My favorite of the three days was Sunday! Each big tournament always has a "Dig Pink" day, where all the teams celebrate and remember the loved ones we have or we have lost to cancer! Our team had awesome pink shirts to wear!

We went undefeated all day Saturday and all day Sunday! We made it to the semi finals on Monday and lost. It was a heart break, but it was a fantastic weekend. Our girls played sooo well and I couldn't be any more proud of them!!

So we tied for 3rd! (with our other 17's team from the same club) out of I believe 64 teams!!

By the end of the day we were all so tired of taking pictures and so ready to go home!! I think that this picture shows that so well!

One thing I know me and Mike were especially proud of was that one of our awesome middle hitters, Kaitlyn, got an outstanding award. She was awarded Best Attacker! So we were really excited for her! She definitely earned that one!

We didn't do just volleyball while we were there; some of the girls went down early Friday and went to all the monuments and the White House. Well I really wanted to go to Georgetown Cupcakes. Better known as the TV show DC Cupcakes! So Sunday afternoon, after we played, we took the subway and walked to Georgetown Cupcakes!!

We finally made it!! We were all so excited! Except the line was wrapped around the building!

Someone said it was going to be about an hour wait to get our cupcakes, and we definitely didn't care! We got in the back of the line and waited! Well it only took about 40 minutes! Which sounds so crazy! But I'm telling you, if you tried one of these cupcakes you would wait too!

These are all my girls that waiting in line for about 40 minutes!! Love them!!

It was such a wonderful weekend! With such an awesome outcome! Can't wait for the next big one! I love you girls so much!